Yesterday I held a presentation at the National University of Singapore (NUS) Careers Fair on Personal Branding. Overall it was a success and I had some positive feedback from the students.
The disappointing element with most of the talks I’ve conducted here in Singapore is that it’s so difficult to get the audience to interact. Whenever you pose a question, even in the case of simple survey that requires one to raise their hand, people are so reluctant - all I ever get are blank stares. Almost as though they’re afraid to express their opinions and emotions.
I guess it comes down to the Asian culture - reserved, respectful and shy. How does one overcome this? On many occasions I’m left standing there at the front, desperately seeking just one person to initiate a discussion, but it never happens. And there’s only so many times I can prod them - “Don’t be shy now” or “Feel free to express an opinion, I won’t bite your head off”.
There were also other factors that came into play as well - the room was too large, so the audience was scattered; a few slight technical hiccups; perhaps the content was not stimulating enough.
I guess these are challenges that I’ll face constantly so with practice it should be less worrisome. Anyway I’ll write again soon with a summary of the presentation and some photos. Until then…
ACA
I’ve found with church sermons recently it’s been either hit or miss. Some make a huge impact and offer compelling advice, while others just seem to be irrelevant and I tune out and think about anything other than the message on offer.
Yesterday’s sermon at Wesley Methodist Church is a case in point. The predominant theme was of demonic forces at work and how we must trust in Jesus to provide strength and courage in moments of peril. The pastor then began to recount her experiences of supernatural forces and how she was able to overcome her fear by praying. Now I don’t want to belittle her story, but it didn’t really resonate with me, and I suspect much of the congregation - after all how many people can say they’ve encountered paranormal activity?
Anyway, she did make a very plausible side argument about how trusting in The Lord and building a relationship with Him takes work; one can’t expect their prayers to be answered without giving of themselves. I’m not sure how or why this tied into the original message (perhaps it was an effortless segue that I didn’t notice for fault of dozing off) but it certainly resounded in my mind.
We live in an age of quick fixes. A little overweight? Take a diet pill; Feeling depressed? Well take some Prozac; Global economic meltdown - bailout; The media also wickedly propagates the latest shortcuts in an attempt to appeal to people’s lethargy. The same goes for prayer. For all the part-time god-fearing folk out there, we’re all too quick to ask God to “fix” our current problem. We almost expect it, without realising that it’s a quid pro quo relationship we possess with Him. It’s hard work building a relationship with God in an increasingly secular world with temptation floating all around us. But I’m understanding that just like everything else in life - health, fitness, family, marriage, career, it doesn’t come easy and one must work at it constantly, if they want to see results.
Prayer should not only be about asking either, but thanking also. How would you feel if a friend of yours kept borrowing your money or imposing on you in some way without ever saying thank you? Well I presume God isn’t a huge fan of that behaviour either, but unlike humans he’ll always forgive you.
This isn’t intended to be some marketing pitch for Church, Christianity or divine power in any way. But for those of us who do believe, part-time or full-time, let’s just remember that a relationship with God is a two-way street.
ACA
What I’ve realised about humans is that we possess an instinctive disposition to make excuses that point the finger at something or someone else. We all do it, some more than others, whenever we need to justify our response or behaviour. It’s almost as though we can’t admit that our present failures are a result of our own shortcomings rather than some ungovernable act of god.
Remember in primary school where we’d invent the most colourful reasons for not doing our homework? Everyday students imagined up more and more creative responses that never succeeded in convincing our incredulous teachers. Well nothing much has changed in our older years, except the excuses are significantly duller!
A recent example: a good mate of mine was visiting me here in Singapore and we were stuck for things to do on a Saturday afternoon. The weather was unpredictable so arranging a big day out at Sentosa was certainly out of the question and we were both tired of the mundane shopping exploits. I therefore suggested we go for a run (as a joke and on the understanding that the idea wouldn’t fly with my mate anyway) but his excuse was “i didn’t bring my sneakers”. Now this statement is true, however using it as the reason behind why he couldn’t follow through with the idea is misleading. I can unequivocally say that regardless of whether he had his sneakers or not, the idea of pounding the pavement at more than 8km/hr wasn’t a conceivable alternative.
Here are the top 5 excuses I hear regarding anything:
So think about this next time you’re late, wrong, embarrassed, haven’t completed something, can’t do something, did something stupid and so on. Unless you’re the victim of a raging tsunami or have been kidnapped by terrorists (undeniably two events out of your control) stand up and apply the blame where it belongs - yourself. It adds integrity to your character and people will appreciate your honesty in the long run.
ACA
If you asked most people that visited Singapore, whether they thought the local people were friendly, you would hear a resounding YES. And for the most part that’s true. If you’re ever lost amongst the maze of tall buildings at Raffles Place or would like to know the best place for a laksa, then any one of hundreds of Singaporean bystanders will only be too pleased to help.
The situation is somewhat different when you’re an expat living here and involved in activities with Singaporeans. Take for example my Jiu Jitsu class. I’ve been practicing the martial art for a few months now, yet some of the “seniors” in the class don’t utter a word to me despite the fact that I always initiate a greeting with them. Every time they lay their gaze on me, they simply glance away and pretend as though they didn’t see me. Mind you, there are some exceptions to this rule (as usual) and others are very forthright in their conversation with me.
Now my friend Mike experienced the same thing in his running group. Despite his best efforts to make friends, he rarely gets spoken to by the other locals. I’ve observed this behaviour at the gym, university groups and elsewhere.
I’m not one to make sweeping generalisations and state that Singaporeans in more intimate encounters are therefore not nice people, but I have found it challenging building close personal ties and relationships with them. I’m not pointing the finger and suggesting it’s a flaw in their character, but rather I’d like to understand exactly what it takes to establish a strong camaradarie with them. Is it patience or a different approach all together?
Either way, I hope there’s a sequel to this blog post with more positive outcomes identified.
ACA
One of the biggest excuses people use for anything these days is “time”. I recently ran into a friend outside the gym the other day and we got to talking about fitness and my overall health goals. I then asked him, “So Sam, do you go to the gym also?”, and immediately he gave me a weary grimace and said “Nah, I don’t have the time”.
What does that mean exactly? Does Sam have less time in a day than me? Perhaps his day only consists of 20 hours and so the 4 hours that he’s deprived of by God he spends sleeping or tagging photos on Facebook? Considering I hear that excuse almost every day from people, I assume they, like Sam, must also have less hours in the day than me.
See where I’m going with this people? Everybody has the same amount of time each day. If you’re too busy (the 2nd most popular excuse I hear which I’ll save for another blog post) to do something, then it’s not a case of time, it’s a case of priorities. Sam doesn’t go to the gym not because he doesn’t HAVE the time, but he simply doesn’t MAKE the time for it. If working out was important enough for him (and I’m not suggesting it should or shouldn’t) he would prioritise it.
The two reasons that this excuse annoys me so much is firstly, as I indicated above, it’s not actually true; and secondly, is that time is an element of life that one doesn’t and cannot manipulate. Therefore when one blames everything on time, it’s as though they are attributing their poor situation to something ELSE out of their control - making time a poor scapegoat.
The next time somebody excuses their behaviour, lifestyle or actions with “time”, do them and me a favour, and slap them upside the head! And send them the link to this blog post; it’s not subjective, it’s fact and they won’t disagree with you!
Adieu,
ACA
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Admittedly I’ve made a few mistakes in the online social sphere. Who hasn’t? When I first subscribed to Facebook, I updated my status with hollow and stupid statements. I saw others do it and I simply emulated them. Until of course I realised the error of my ways. Now my updated posts, as infrequent as they are, merely inform people of where I am or ask for advice about certain issues. I’ve actually found that part useful. If you’re unsure about something and want a forum to ask a HUGE network of people that may know the answer, then Facebook it. Yes, Facebook can now be applied as a verb, just like we Google things.
Also implicit in the application of social media technologies such as Facebook and Twitter, is the nature of networking - building a community of people that share common interests and contacts. The way such platforms are marketed focuses on the benefits individuals gain by expanding their network and creating a highly interconnected web in order to bring people closer together. In fact the viral nature of social media conveys achieving this goal exponentially. But are we really becoming more akin to each other, or does this just incite selfish behaviour?
Ironically, the larger our networks grow, the more people tend to focus inward. Networks grow so large that it’s inconceivable to keep abreast of what everyone is doing - and the desire to do so diminishes. Therefore we just publish anything and everything as a way to communicate to the enormous audience that we’ve generated with the perceived understanding that they’ll be interested. A quiz about “What Brady Bunch character you are” or even more conceited a a quiz about “How well do you know (insert your own name here)” is not amusing to anyone. It’s not fun, it’s not funny and all it’s highlighted is the extent of your free time.
Social decadence is like an online disease. It doesn’t discriminate either. My most intelligent friends are some of the biggest social media misfits. After years of exemplary grades through school and college, working in the corporate world and fine-tuning their social skills they suddenly resort to the multitude of social media faux pas I’ve already mentioned. It’s almost as though one is reborn when signing up to facebook and must develop their mental aptitude from scratch.
I’d say at least 20% of my friends have been banished from my newsfeed - people I like and others I hardly know. If this futility keeps up, I’ll be forced to cull the list even further. Please don’t make me. I do enjoy all the funny, interesting and informative links, posts and photos. Just be sensible, and think “is this really worth posting” before you click the submit button.
End Part 2
Is it just me or have people become more socially inept with the advent of social media? With all the emphasis on web 2.0 technologies and the emergence of social networking tools online, has it made us numb to real interpersonal connections? Aren’t social media platforms whose intention it is to encourage engagement between people all over the world meant to enhance our social viability? If so, then why is my Facebook page inundated with the most annoying, inane comments from people that are so called “friends”?
It seems Facebook and Twitter give us a false sense of confidence to promulgate our most vacuous and irrelevant thoughts. People now tweet messages that they would never have had the courage to whisper into their best friend’s ear, let alone tell a random person you met once through a friend of a friend of a friend at the airport on your way back from vacation.
No one cares about what your cat’s favourite food is, that you have a massive load of laundry to do, you’re suffering from gastric or that you just ate yummy jam donuts! Do people think their lives are that interesting that tweeting their culinary habits online would be interesting to others - the answer is NO. And if you’re one of those people reading this post thinking, well actually I enjoy reading every status update from my friends, well then you’re probably one of the main culprits of this fruitless activity yourself.
End part 1.
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