Well I think all this emotional intelligence reading kicked in the other day when I had an argument with a friend - well it was more like me experiencing a diatribe over instant messenger, but that’s not the point. I made, what retrospectively was an insensitive comment, but said in jest at the time, to point out the irony in a very snide remark she made.
That’s when she unleashed a tirade of abuse at me for previous comments I had made which had apparently hurt her also. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I disagree with the fact that the things I said were rather disparaging, but why not tell me at the time? If I was made aware of how hurtful my remarks were, I would have immediately changed my behaviour.
Of course this abuse ended on msn when she abruptly disconnected after stating she didn’t want to waste any more time talking about it. After apologising profusely, texting, calling and emailing her to address the situation, my sentiments go unreciprocated. Quite ironic, when she tells me to “grow up” in response to my comment, yet she can’t do the mature thing and accept an apology.
At previous occasions of such indignation, I would have been livid. So much so, that vengeful emotions and bitterness would well up inside me and linger for a long time. But no more. As I learned from Dr Paul, I have zero control of things outside of my boundary, and wasting energy on such things causes suffering. With the power of observing ego I was able to critique my reactions and attitudes during this incident thereby responding emotionally intelligently.
